wordsmithery: homophonic nomenclative substitution

Language is a fluid construct. Wordsmithery is predicated on this assumption. Sometimes the Wordsmith can think about how words are formed. Other times, he/she can think about how they sound.

I've been working on this concept for a while. We'll call it an invention, but really, it's an institution. I am talking about homophonic nomenclative substitution.

Homophonic nomencaltive substitution involves the creation of true-sounding replacements for first and last names. The names, proper nouns, are substituted for common nouns. Punctuation and contractions are allowed. However, slang, ebonics, and 1337/internet speak are frowned upon.

Ideally, the replacement phrase makes some sense. It should, in all circumstances, sound something like the original name. Some are bigger stretches than others.

Some clear patterns emerge as you do this, which are interesting to note.

Here are some of my substitutions (please feel free to challenge any):

Derek Jeter = Doo-rag heater.
William Adams = Will yam add hums?
Kurt Russel = incur truss sill
Skeeter Valentine = Sick? Eat her fowl in time.
Jerry Seinfeld = jury's infield
Billy Crystal = bleak risk hill
John Kennedy = Junk can add heaps.
Leonardo DiCaprio = lean art ode copper yo

This either gets very addictive or very irksome. I'm eager to see comments.