The Chamberlin Offensiveness Scale

(1 being the least offensive and 10 being the most offensive)

1: The music seems to be louder than necessary, the beverages include an obscure beer and overpriced mixed drinks, and no one is particularly that memorable. It's also getting more crowded by the minute. You are vaguely apprehensive and have been sidling toward the door for the last half hour without even realizing it.
2: The family event has grown tiresome after a couple hours, but you know you're supposed to hang around at the table. The conversation is relatively banal, mostly about jobs and projects around the house. No one has said a bad word all day or even mentioned a topic that might stir up some controversy.
3: After finishing a long and thorough post on the Iliad on an esteemed literature blog, you refresh the page and notice a response from user with a name you don't recognize. Their response is immediately annoying to you for being only one line long and filled with typos and capitalization errors when identifying characters and places in the story. They ask you to summarize in a couple sentences the overall theme of the Iliad, noting that the Cliff Notes version has been copied so many times and it would help to get a unique take on it all. Apparently, they've got a big essay due in a few hours and have decided to stain the forum with their ugly desperation.
4: Of the many technological and hip things, gchat says messages were not received when they are, Youtube lacks a button to keep a song on repeat, and Netflix expires movies on the Instant Stream without warning. Roped into here is when people say, "Happy Birthday" to you on your Facebook wall, even though they never see you, don't know you're birthday, and you probably will never speak to them again. Uno mas; people clicking "Like" on anything that moves on the Facebook feed. Actually dos mas; statuses about all men being boys, name-dropping random celebrities, and about how bored you are that you're driven to writing a status and spill all that boredom on everyone else. Finally, deleting/untagging things, although you admit that it is necessary in some of the most extreme times, just not all the time.
5: You flip the dial on the car radio and your ears are given a quick douse of Boston's "Peace of Mind". You desperately change the station to hear, "Free Fallin'", then try to flip it once more to hear, "Life in the Fast Lane". You pass out from exhaustion at these songs as the car drifts into a ditch.
6: You show up to work and are given crap for your car looking like an senior citizen's (because that's who you got the car from in your family and for free) and your clothes for not exactly matching colors. Coworkers look at you funny when you open a bag of expired chips and began to eat. They appear to envy your youth while simultaneously being disgusted with your lack of concern for the little but important things in life.
7: The frozen food item that you've purchased reads on the box, "Serves 3 to 4 People". You pop it in, throw it on your plate, and gobble it down within a minute and 47 seconds. You feel somehow even hungrier than you did before, and the many digit number of calories is staring at you from the back of the box. How could such things ever make you full? Ten minutes and the cabinet's remaining stash of snacks you had bought for the week's lunches later, you are bloated and curled up on the couch cursing the societal norms of food volumes and prices.
8: You are given shit for not knowing anything practical and/or manly. "How come you can't talk about sports with us. Do you not like it? Wanna go dismantle the truck and put it back together just for the hell of it?"
9: A great body of work, series, and/or school of thought as well as the community and culture that went with it, eventually gives way to newcomers who spit on the past, push for increasingly superficial changes to the old system, and all but destroy what was once pure and good, all the while having not even the slightest knowledge or care of what they've done and what has happened.
10: Self-unawareness.

Off the scale: See the comment on this post by ctrl+F for "Joe's Crab Shack".