I am what the native americans referred to as "high strung." there are a lot of situations in my life where i can not calm down. I am impatient and love a quick fix. I obsess. I want my life to speed right to the point where i am married and have some little kids. weird, huh? I let girls take advantage of me because i treat them (the ones i like) like they are the only person in the world.
I worry.
I have never really enjoyed the party scene, but would much rather spend my time with hanging out/drinking with friends where there are no forced conversations- no douchebag who doesnt give a fuck who you are unless you are some "hoe" who is gonna go home with him- no chick who is too good for you and thinks a 'hello' means i want to get into your pants.
I never realize how good i have it. my life is probably better than at least 5.5 billion people. and as much as my life is shitty right now, it's still amazing- and i am provided for. It's always a comfort to look at it that way, even though i rarely think like that.
I am selfish. we all live in our little worlds- and believe me mine is all about me. Though i wish it wasnt.
I talk too much. i think that goes along with the worry and the obsessing. i cant make a fucking decision without discussing all possible angles with friends- and then re-discussing it. I know thats annoying, but i cant stop and that needs to change- i have to find some sort of strength- some reliance on myself. so far it has yet to be found. I am too honest. I am an open book, which is such a bad thing. There is no mystery to me because i tell you how i feel when i feel it.
i dont know why i am writing this- i guess i am having problems with a girl and am looking at myself. I know i am a good person- and if this chick cant see that- if she cant see that she would be lucky to have me then whatever. someone else will- i am who i am and whats written above is me. I just need to accept and embrace it.
I love this post! Jim, you should share more of your girl problems on here, although perhaps you do not want to. But I know everyone would want to read them and we'd support you.
ReplyDeletegreat post jim. its a funny world we live in. i can definitely relate to the "party scene" comment. i went through this last night. it was a horrible time because all the dudes there were douchebags and all the chicks continuously tried shoving jello shots down my throat when i had planned to drive home in about an hour. apparently this type of behavior doesn't stop in college. don't get me wrong, i love beer. i just don't like being forced to do things i don't want to do. but yea, the party sucked, there were definitely some unnecessary and awkward conversations to keep myself from looking like a huge silent creep. words of wisdom..hitting up parties without a posse is a huge risk. this move has basically crippled me the last few times i've done this.
ReplyDeleteMonumental post. Love the honesty. And yes, like Edward said, you've got our support through it all and definitely enjoy hearing about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way. I give guys everything and (as Edward knows) stay in a relationship for nine months without receiving a birthday present after four months and a Christmas present after six...poor choices, we make. But as a female, I'd be glad to help you with any lady issues! :)
ReplyDeleteTake your top off, Sydney.
ReplyDelete