Childhood Embarrassments

In light of recent developments in the late stages of Childhood Saga, I was wondering if anyone can top the past stories with their own embarrassing tale of their early, awkward youth. Note that I'm inviting that we call ourselves out, since self-deprecation is always a good policy, and once it is out, we can all proudly point and laugh at the author!

Let me try and think of few of my own:

-Sitting next to Aubrey on the bus way up front on the way to middle school (during the week my parents left me to stay at Edward's - a ridiculous week in its own right), and me making it about 80% of the trip sort of swaying back and forth, my face all green, before just barfing all over my saxophone case (I'm pretty sure I missed her, but you never know). The best was the kids didn't really get the full smell until they had to walk by to get off the bus, upon which they yelled how awful it was and grimaced at what I'd become. Twas a grand embarrassment!

-Not making the Valley (high school) soccer team. (hahahaha, God, people really stood up for me saying this was an injustice, but come on, I didn't make it. Playing for shits and giggles and slackery on the tennis team was where I truly flourished anyway).

-Ah! Possibly my best of all, blowing away the others by far in my mind: the time I broke the zip line at Josh's house because I was, well, too heavy. And EVERYONE (in my mind) called me fat. Glorious. This began a string of me-breaking-things incidents that extended well beyond just being fat, but clumsy, reckless, and a dum dum.

-In 5th grade, when the final "gag" awards were given out, and the teacher was trying to make light of everyone, I was given a (completely serious) "helping hand award". Jesuso Christo I got crap for that (and deserved it, ha, let's be honest - although they did ask me to help that kid read. Was I supposed to say no? Damn you heartless bastards).

-Answering the phone that my mom called down and told me was "Alex", who I believed to be my friend (a guy), but who turned out to be Amy's friend (a girl), and it took me an excruciating dialogue to figure this out. Maybe you had to be there (at that age).

-At camp admitting to girls that I'd never kissed anyone. Buncha bitches.

-At camp having to wear that harness that basically turns your shorts into a speedo in front of those girls I told that I'd never kissed anyone.

-Various soccer camp moments involving changing or just taking random verbal assaults from diabolical ass-wipes.

-Mr. Barr telling me when I lost to Meagan Lowers in an archery contest in P.E., that she "spanked me".

I know the list goes on and there are more I'm not thinking of, but I'd like to see someone top mine. I feel like a lot end up being so haunting because of the context or just being there at that moment, but that kind of makes it even funnier, that we were so humiliated over something so trivial.