The UFL Drinking Game

Hello to all,

I'd like to welcome myself to DiMB, and begin with a post about my two favorite things: sports and drinking. So with no further ado, here it goes.

This past weekend I was enjoying the Oregon-Cal game on the wonderful VS Network. Luckily, this game, featuring the top ranked Ducks, was followed by another one of VS's wonderful programs: the Omaha Nighthawks at the Sacramento Mountain Lions. Now, for those of you who don't know, the United Football League is a new football league, in its second season. It has become a wonderful place for the old, washed-up and simply bad NFL unsignees to end up. It features many of your favorite players from the past. Dautne Culpepper, Jeff Garcia, Ryan Perriloux, Josh McCown are all noticeable QBs. Former Northwestern standouts Tim McGariggle and Prince Kwateng man UFL defenses. Names such as Teddy Lehman, JJ Leman, Dusty Dvoracek, Ahman Green and the infamous Maurice Clarett dot the rosters of the six competing teams. If this alone isn't enough to get you to watch VS's next UFL telecast (Las Vegas Colonials at the Hartford Colonials, November 20th), please allow me to tempt you with this gimmick.

THE UFL DRINKING GAME

First, identify the games two former NFL stars (one per team, usually QBs). Anytime these players receive a close up, the entire room drinks.

During the announcement of the starting lineups, pick a player (or two or three if you are so

inclined) to be your own. You may pick any one for any reason you choose. Anytime your designated player makes a standout play, take a drink. Anytime your designated player makes a particularly horrible play, chug until the next snap (after all replays).

Anytime a trick play is run, everybody drinks. (this happens a lot more than you'd think)

Anytime a play is thoroughly miss-executed (inaccurate throws, uncontested fumbles, whiffed tackles, etc.), everyone drinks. (this happens a lot, but you probably guessed that)

Anytime someone notices something that is abnormally colored (e.g. lime green down markers) everyone except the observer drinks. Only drink the first time this particular item is noticed. This should take up most of the first quarter and allow you to get appropriately inebriated to continue watching.

Anytime the F-List announcers do/say something that no one would ever be allowed to do while commentating a real game (e.g. racist comments, yes it happens), everyone drinks.

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This game has only been through one test-run, so if you have any suggestions or modifications, feel free to voice them. The game should take you up through halftime, at which point if you can still tolerate the amount of drinking, and low quality of football, more power to you. Change the Channel and watch something else before the poor UFL action quits being funny.