My First Crush(es)

I'm going to include two here--my first real, "adult" (I was in seventh grade!) crush and my first, first crush.

Onto the first ever crush. The location was Waterford Elementary, school of the damned. I do not remember what year this crush started, since its origins come from a time and place very primeval. For those trying to keep a timeline, let's just say second grade. The girl was Aubrey. Now I don't think this was unusual, since it seemed to be pretty much accepted that she was the most attractive girl in our grade. This consensus never changed during our stay in the hallowed halls of Waterford, even when in 5th grade the principal changed to Mr. Vickers and our lives changed forever.

So I doubt I was the only person who had a crush on Aubrey (see: Josh Nesbit, the actual winner of her heart). What really sealed this crush in my memory was the fact that she was my cousin. Not a close cousin, mind you. I don't even know how she is related to me. I asked my dad once before, and it didn't even make sense. But that mark of shame was there for all to see. People like Tim Cotter's dad would always give me shit about this. When it first started, though, I seemed pretty shameless. After all, these were the early years of elementary. I remember writing her love notes and giving her (I'm sure very cheap) gemstones, since gems were my passion at one point. Of course she never seemed particularly down with the idea of liking me back, and instead dated the alpha male of Waterford, Josh Nesbit. I believe him and I even had conversations about our attractions to her, but I mostly forget what they were about. Probably just me being like, "You are so lucky, Josh."

One day I should ask Aubrey about these days, but then again, I'm frightened to death of her now. I think I've talked to her about it before, though, but there is always time for more in-depth analysis. Unless of course you are frightened when a person even messages you. But that's another story for another day and poster (cough Colin).

Okay, so onto what I consider my first "real" crush. My Waterford Elementary crush was pretty one-sided and almost chivalric in its sense of courtly love--I gave Aubrey gifts and expected apparently nothing in return. Oh, that innocence.

The time is seventh grade. Math class. Blue Ridge Middle School. I sat next to and almost immediately became buddies with Erin. What differentiates this crush from my previous one is that our relationship was actually pretty mutual. We were friends. We talked all the time and laughed. I had had this in limited doses in sixth grade, but not to this extent. I got the idea that she actually liked me back, too. I liked Erin because she had a sense of humor and because she wasn't (at this point) the typical bombshell that all the other guys liked (see: Jacque Christy, Aubrey, the Everharts, et. al.). I don't know why, I've just always liked a girl that wasn't hounded over by other guys. I don't want the trophy wife. I want someone special to me in a way that others missed. I'm not sure why this is in terms of deeper psychological reasons.

Anyways, we got along well enough, and talked every night online on AIM, which was a humongous communication tool back then (see here)--I think an even more meaningful equivalent to today's Facebook. At this point I made the mistake that will doom me the rest of my life. I guess she already knew my best friend, Daniel. But I was the one who gave both of them each other's screen names, starting a relationship that would lead to actual dating, surely a step I probably would not have gotten to (although if there was any girl I would've felt comfortable enough with back then, it was definitely her). I got relegated to the position of going on double dates with them in the friend position with another girl I was just friends with. Being a bitter fuck, I tried my best to repay them by making fun of them excessively, but we all know you can't really ever crawl back out of that hole. Moral of the story: Never let any girl you like near Daniel.

--Edward