Since Edward mentioned my "prowess" for booting soccer balls that may or may not have ended up connecting with various female bystanders (Kathleen/Katie G) in the head at recess, I feel I must explain these events further. While part of this action may have been deeply premeditated, a much larger part of these assasin toe ball bullets were controlled by something you nor I could ever hope to control (in the same way any projectile that left Greg's grubby hands would somehow connect directly with your face or go over some fence).
From what I've gathered in my athletic education, to kick a soccer ball in the proper fashion, you should connect either the instep of your foot, the top of your foot, or (if you're a white cleat-wearing dick) the outside of your foot with the ball, follow through, and keep your body over the ball so that it doesn't go sailing into the stands (or forest/stream in most of our cases). However, we quickly discovered the dark secret of kicking a soccer ball, one that unlocked the inner chaos of the ball with the potential to cause brain damage (not to mention breaking all your toes at once). This was the toe ball. You connected mainly your big toe and whatever other toes might want to join with the ball, and you let it fly. Because there is no real guidance for toe balls unless you connect from a stand-still facing as straight as you can, then the toe ball will go everywhere. Not only that, but it will knuckle in such a way that anyone in it's way would do better to just brace for impact rather than try to get out of the way. The toe ball was effective mostly for intimidation while simultaneously making it apparent to the other team that you had no real comprehension on how to play the sport. What a brilliant move.
From what I've gathered in my athletic education, to kick a soccer ball in the proper fashion, you should connect either the instep of your foot, the top of your foot, or (if you're a white cleat-wearing dick) the outside of your foot with the ball, follow through, and keep your body over the ball so that it doesn't go sailing into the stands (or forest/stream in most of our cases). However, we quickly discovered the dark secret of kicking a soccer ball, one that unlocked the inner chaos of the ball with the potential to cause brain damage (not to mention breaking all your toes at once). This was the toe ball. You connected mainly your big toe and whatever other toes might want to join with the ball, and you let it fly. Because there is no real guidance for toe balls unless you connect from a stand-still facing as straight as you can, then the toe ball will go everywhere. Not only that, but it will knuckle in such a way that anyone in it's way would do better to just brace for impact rather than try to get out of the way. The toe ball was effective mostly for intimidation while simultaneously making it apparent to the other team that you had no real comprehension on how to play the sport. What a brilliant move.
I am so happy that the infamous "toe ball" is being brought up. I am a descendant of the toe ball. I played soccer all throughout elementary school, and I exclusively kicked the ball with my toe. I played defense. In my opinion, it was the best way to clear the ball. I was known for having a fairly big foot, because I was the one designated to take goal kicks. I remember once the coach asked me to take a penalty shot. He should have known better. The toe ball is not known for accuracy, and I had no idea where the ball was going to go. Huge post Daniel.
ReplyDeleteLet's point out here that Daniel broke several of my windows with toe balls, and our elementary school principal broke a student's arm with a well-placed toe ball. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteSteven Sheehans arm. it was amazing
ReplyDeleteThe one and only time he played sports with us too (Mr. Vickers, that is).
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