Childhood Saga: The Paalborgs Pt. 1

The Paalborgs entered into our little world some time in the heart of elementary school. I really don't remember any momentous arrival, but rather a seamless change from not remembering them being around to suddenly going over to their house like it was the only thing I'd ever really done. The Paalborgs had two daughters, Avery and Whitney, and a son, Alex. They owned two gigantic English Mastiffs, (which would lick your face off if you let them/wanted them to), they were humorous, eccentric, and sweet as a family, and they also introduced my 3rd-grade brain to the idea of a religion besides Christianity, ie Judaism. They had a large house, and they lived just outside of town in a brand-spanking-new development (the aptly named "Waterford Heights").

Alex fit in real fast with whatever sort of brainless crowd I occupied, full of the usual obnoxious nerds that I hold dear to my heart, who feasted on video games, sports or sport-like things, and any crap our imaginations came up with. He wasn't the most athletic, the smartest, or the coolest (I think it goes without saying we were none of these as well), but he seemed to have the same sense of humor and random imagination we had, which is all that really mattered. He would become essential to much of my so-called "childhood saga" that this blog is featuring for the month of September. Although not the main player, Alex was crucial in a number of events and developments in our formative years.

1. The Formation of the "Monkeys" (and the Subsequent Formation of the "Spiders")

I believe in earlier posts (notably The Aye-Aye post), I've expressed my love for primates and apes and creatures of that sort. There was a time, when such a love was basically a loud and proud passion that was meant to be talked about endlessly, drawn in scribbles on homework, and day dreamt about during any free moment (which in childhood is basically every moment). During this time, someone or some group possibly including me in the founders, decided it was highly important that a group or gang or posse or entourage or brotherhood be formed based loosely or not-so-loosely on our passion for monkeys. We called ourselves the "Monkeys". Greg seemed to be the leader of said group, but Alex was right up there. Our group activities involved chiefly the molding and folding of aluminum foil into shapes, then polished (by rubbing maniacally against the cafeteria tables) to have shiny and shimmery sides. This was some sort of ritualistic black smithery that did not really have an obvious cause related to monkeys other than perhaps the simplest cause for all apes and human-apes alike, covet anything shiny.

Beyond that, I think there may have been the general exclusion of those not in the monkeys using the looking-over-shoulders-from-a-different-lunch-table tactic or by talking unnecessarily loud around non-members about the Monkeys using our titles as often as possible ranging from King to Blacksmith to Guard (Edward may have been security - not really a wise choice other than maybe for his foul mouth to scare people off). It then was inevitable that the nonmembers became pissed at this and formed their own entity. This, of course, was the Spiders. Whether or not the founding members of said group loved arachnids like the Monkeys loved monkeys remains to be seen. I have a feeling spiders were used more for their badass-ness and general darkness to reflect such angry tidings toward being excluded from a foil-rubbing, glasses-adjusting, nerd conglomerate. And like the bastard I was (and am), I managed to somehow be in both groups, but I guess that's besides the point. In fact, this whole thing is kind of besides the point of the Paalborgs, except for the fact that Alex led this charge along with Greg of the Monkeys vs. the Spiders.

The Spiders, from what I could tell, consisted of the cooler and more athletic, and they basically just drew a lot of spiders all over everything and existed to hate the Monkeys (as good a reason as any). Eventually (prepare yourself for the most anti-climatic ending ever!), the teacher told us to dissolve all class gangs and get on with our lives (those gangs were our lives, didn't she know!?). The whole ordeal lasted maybe two weeks, and to be honest I don't know if that's how it actually ended. In my mind it kind of just fades away, like most things that anyone ever gets really worked up over. The ending or resolution never seems to be as big as what was at stake.