I Just Peed My Pants Listening to Creed's "Higher"

There was a time when this statement was not so far fetched. My iPoop was on shuffle today and Lo and Behold, Scott Stapp came on with the song that would change all our lives forever. Drink him in DiMB:

And yes, this also means that I have Creed in my music library. Am I ashamed? Yes. Will I delete it? No. Well, at least not yet. Creed may be pushing for the top spot in the most obnoxious, self-righteous, stupid, and hilarious bands of all time. You can't really make up the kinds of songs they have on their albums; ex. random indigenous peoples singing songs in their own language while ambient, what sounds like stolen news ticker noises plays in the background until you get a full face blast of Mr. Stapp on the unforgettable song, "Who's Got My Back".

The best part of Creed were the this is the almighty truth lyrics, making saving the world and yourself from all that bad stuff with long greasy hair, leather pants, absolutely no shirt, and early CGI effects, as cool as your best friend.

But first, before you delve into the holy kingdom Creed created for themselves, you have to go back to their first, big, hit (don't not call this a hit).

My Own Prison

I'll just provide some lyrics of choice to give you an idea:

"I cry out to God

Seeking only his decision

Gabriel stands and confirms

I've created my own prison"

Then there was "Higher". And everyone cried when they heard it because it caught on like a poison in the drinking water. The video should also be noted as the entire 5 minutes and 17 seconds (I don't really believe it's that long, but it all makes sense if it is) was the band walking in slow motion to get on stage and sing the very song being played over their slow motion walk, all until Scott Stapp reaches the microphone, still in blood-curdling 90s (early 00s?) slow motion and begins to levitate off the ground until he's downright flying in place, arms out, like his favorite Christ-like figure, himself.

But to get to the masterpiece of music videos, waste no more time and watch this situational epic about being on top of impossibly tall computer generated cliffs with your band members trying to figure out how to get the fuck down. The best part may be when he looks up just after falling three miles onto rock - also don't mind the oft-Creed-music video-used beautiful woman just out of reach, wise old man, birds, the other band members trying to look so bad ass they're on the edge of tears, and of course Stapp in his groundbreaking bent-knee-almost-leaning-back-man-yields-himself-to-god pose:

These guys were the original douchebags.

Reminds me of the fake preview in Tropic Thunder for Ben Stiller's character's movie, Scorcher VI: Global Meltdown (it took me a while to find that for some reason), and/OR reminds me of the equally hilarious ICP video Miracles. These videos will be the ones historians of the future dying earth will look back on and say, "Well I guess it's not that surprising we're all fucked."

But honestly, maybe these loons have something more than we have here. I kind of believe Scott Stapp believed in his lyrics. You look at the guy, and it doesn't look like someone who is just making up some shit to make money. He actually wants to greet the world, yes I'm going to do it, "With Arms Wide Open." And we will laugh at how dumb we (I) were to follow along with grand tricks, I'll claim I'm better than the people who latched on to other douchebags like Nickelback and Daughtry, but I'm not. I bought in to it all. I bought two Creed albums! That is painful stuff to try and stomach, but you push on. And while I try to reconcile my identity crisis of 2002, Scott Stapp will be getting the last laugh because he was true to his own douchebag self. Chuck Klosterman wrote an excellent chapter on the two strangely close together deaths of members from the Ramones and Ratt, and how even though the Ramones will by far get the better end of the history books and critc reviews, Ratt sold millions more records to millions more people, and that made those people happy. So is what Ratt did not legitimate?

Is Scott Stapp, nay, is Creed not legitimate?

I'll leave you with another quote and an undoctored google images page of Mr. Stapp because I thought it was even better than any single image I could select.

"Children don't stop dancing

Believe you can fly

Away...away"