wordsmithery: contronyms

Contronyms, also referred to as autantonyms, are self-contradicting words or words with two meanings that could be viewed as opposite depending on their context.

Here is a list of contronymic terms that was borrowed from an excellent site called Futility Closet:

• BILL (“monetary note” and “statement of debt”)
• BUCKLE (“to secure” and “to collapse”)
• CLEAVE (“to separate” and “to bring together”)
• DOWNHILL (“progressively easier” and “progressively worse”)
• DUST (“to add dust” and “to remove dust”)
• FAST (“quick-moving” and “immobile”)
• GARNISH (“to add to” and “to take from”)
• OVERSIGHT (“attention” and “inattention”)
• SANCTION (“to permit” and “to restrict”)

Also check out Wordnik.com for more on contronyms. Can you think of any more?

The only one I can think of off the top of my head might be STATUESQUE, referring to both an immobile, fixed figure and a very muscular person capable of strength in movement. Kind of a stretch though.

wordsmithery: post-apocalypticism

I invent -isms quite often. For example, "sextism" can refer to the preference for, or more broadly the practice of, engaging in sexual communication via text message; refers to the partiality of an individual (a "sextist") to engage in sexting. For those uninitiated, "sexting" itself is a portmanteau; for more information please see my post on the subject. Now, on to the meat of this post:

I am a lifelong lover of stories, movies, games, and adventures the realm of the post-apocalypse. Please note that my love of all things post-apocalyptic extends to the sub-genres doomsday, mega natural disaster, and dystopia. This covers a broad range, but for the purpose of this post, I am merely referring to the post-apocalyptic category.

While apocalypticism is a well-known subset of religious belief, the area of post-apocalypticism is much less discussed and dwelt upon. While there is a massive body of cultural work in the area, the -ism itself deserves more respect. Below is the treatise of a self-declared post-apocalypticist.

I used to think that survival after the end of the world was such a romantic concept - the idea of man against nature or machine or alien or plague, but always, simultaneously (and most importantly) against himself. But then I figured it out. I believe the revelation came as I was reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road. As horrible as some of these post-world worlds are, I see them not as hellish scenarios, but as fantasies. I see them as escapes from a reality that is complicated by meaningless detail and an existence which is increasingly distracted. I tend to think that our priorities are screwed up 95 percent of the time. How often do we place money over friendship, image over knowledge, having more things over having meaningful experiences. But in the post-apocalyptic world, it's all about naked, obvious truths. What really matters comes to the forefront. Good over evil. Survival. Use everything efficiently. Coexist with what is left of nature. Money is value-less. Love triumphs. Sure there aren't any comforts, and you're constantly paranoid about impending attack from roving thieves or zombies, but I am still, to a degree, envious of the characters whom I read about, watch, and play as.

There's plenty more to be said on this subject. In fact, I am using this post to formally propose to the powers that be that "post-apocalypse" be the theme of October. Perfect as we head into the fall season and Halloween. Daniel and Edward, I am looking to you for validation here.

wordsmithery: the time-delayed rap battle

You don't have to be from 8 Mile or Inglewood to lay down a phat rhyme. You don't even need to own a gat, a scraper, or a wave cap. All you need is the desire to stop a chump in his tracks when he steps to you. While fist fights might be cool, they are simply impractical on a regular basis. The rhyme, as they say, is mightier than the shank.

Enter the time-delayed rap battle. This is for the wordsmiths who aren't the lyrical Mario Andrettis on the Momo, but are capable of a bit more than, "Come at me bro/Yo momma's a ho!" The preferred arena for the time-delayed rap battle is the email listserv. It's not as though you're serving up linguistic lashings on stage with a mic in your hand, but the audience is real, and anyone can push send at any time. The key is that you're not actually freestyling; the creativity has time to marinate, the disses are premeditated and carefully crafted.

The following are a few verses that I threw out to a World Cup Pick'em listserv earlier this summer. My bracket was named "Roberto Baggio's Rat Tail." I ended up losing pretty badly, but really, victory was mine because my rhymes were sick. Check it:

Sent out after I secured my first correct pick:

That's one correct pick for Roberto Baggio's Rat Tail,
A hundred eighty-two more points comin' cuz I can nat fail.
If you think you can defend me, here's the advice I'm givin' ya:
Give up. Cuz Im bout ta break you like Drogba's tibia.

I pick winners and get chicken dinners while you stay starvin',
I'd throw you my leftovers but, fools, you ain't desarvin'.
Cuz I'm harder than Zidane's forehead, a swift kick to ya pants,
Watch me bicycle kick ya balls like I was Armstrong, Lance.

Sent these stanzas out after a getting into the lead:

With twice Kaka' 's speed I left you spinnin' around,
My raps awe some--your mouth can't make a sound.
Have a glass of water son, better yet, have sixteen,
Gonna need to hydrate the way you try to pick teams.

My rhymes so fresh I ain't need no preservatives
This listserv's a yearbook, and I'm handin' out superlatives:
Biggest poser, worst picks, lowest street credibility,
I want to see some come-backs, 'stead y'all people is killin' me.

To hang with me you'll need to cheat like T. Henry,
I'm calling handball on your girlfriend as she's cuppin' on me.
My moves like Cristiano, my style so pleasurable,
I'm BP in the Gulf: my flow is simply immeasurable.

"Write the Future" says Nike but y'all are stuck in the past,
I flux through time like Deloreans when I step on the gas.
Stay off the field and the highway when I'm 'hind the wheel
I spit fire like red cards--but this ain't a game, it's REAL.

I'm just hoping to whet your appetite and maybe inspire some budding lyricists out there. Who knows? Maybe the next great time-delayed rap battle will happen right here. Starting right now. On this blog.

wordsmithery: portmanteau

Possibly one of the most important linguistic inventions of all time. Yeah, I went there. I'm not saying it's on the same level as the acronym, but it's close.

Portmanteau is the blending of two words to create a unique single-word combination that flows nicely enough to be repeated and used with some regularity. Portmanteau is the nailgun of the wordsmith's utility belt. It allows for quick and creative joining of two or more words, allowing you to build everything from the clean and simple ("spork") to the complex and innovative ("travishamockery").

Some of my favorite examples:

Jorts
Liger
Globocorp
Recyclomania
Ultrazord
Brunch
Chunnel
Email
Sexploitation
Televangelist
Megaplex
Mockumentary
Diabesity
Begunderway
Crapvalanche
Appletini

I challenge you to come up with your own. Then, use the creations to start a company named after your portmanteau. Like Computotronics or something equally awesome. Become a millionaire. Then, take me on your private jet. That's all I ask.

wordsmithery: homophonic nomenclative substitution

Language is a fluid construct. Wordsmithery is predicated on this assumption. Sometimes the Wordsmith can think about how words are formed. Other times, he/she can think about how they sound.

I've been working on this concept for a while. We'll call it an invention, but really, it's an institution. I am talking about homophonic nomenclative substitution.

Homophonic nomencaltive substitution involves the creation of true-sounding replacements for first and last names. The names, proper nouns, are substituted for common nouns. Punctuation and contractions are allowed. However, slang, ebonics, and 1337/internet speak are frowned upon.

Ideally, the replacement phrase makes some sense. It should, in all circumstances, sound something like the original name. Some are bigger stretches than others.

Some clear patterns emerge as you do this, which are interesting to note.

Here are some of my substitutions (please feel free to challenge any):

Derek Jeter = Doo-rag heater.
William Adams = Will yam add hums?
Kurt Russel = incur truss sill
Skeeter Valentine = Sick? Eat her fowl in time.
Jerry Seinfeld = jury's infield
Billy Crystal = bleak risk hill
John Kennedy = Junk can add heaps.
Leonardo DiCaprio = lean art ode copper yo

This either gets very addictive or very irksome. I'm eager to see comments.

wordsmithery: incept

Incept -- v. The act of surreptitiously seeding an idea within someone's mind to influence their behavior, often by lying, trickery, or wit. Sometimes done overtly and transparently for comical effect.

Examples of usage:

Teen 1: My mother won't let me come to the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus concert. FML.
Teen 2: Just incept that you cleaned up your room or something.

Bro 1: Dude, I'm trying to convince my gf that a three way would be a good idea.
Bro 2: Want me to incept that shit?
Bro 1: You mean roofies?

White Collar Gent 1: This idea is way out there. Definitely not gonna fly with our boss.
White Collar Gent 2: Don't worry. I'm have a plan to incept it. We'll come out of the meeting with a full budget.
White Collar Gent 1: Do you mean inceive?
White Collar Gent 2: This is why I'm a senior analyst and you are just an analyst.